When one chooses to go through a procedure such as I have, there’s much you could never be prepared for, so I’m finding out.
I kept hearing over and over how happy I would be to do this.. and that everyone else who had it done has never regretted it.
A change of this magnitude and one that you never thought would happen much less to you is bound to cause/ stir up some type of emotion, right?!
I have butterflies..because with each visitor it’s like standing in front of a mirror, nekid!
Waiting for them to tell me “their verdict..”
“Wow you look like you lost 50 lbs!”
Or
“I never knew you where THAT big my goodness!”
It’s a little ..uhmm a little embarrassing to hear some reactions because I never knew I was ever that big either.
Now don’t get me wrong ..I’m excited over the trivial things..who doesn’t like to own a “top wardrobe” where everything fits nicely..and finally stays shut, plus the no more bulging bra lines~ that there would ever be a day was/is unfathomable. And then there’s the summer season upon us and this time I have choices lots and lots of choices!
Because in the past I only owned two button down tops that never fit right and now to have mom say she wants to run out and buy me a new blouse is something to get excited about :)
But…yeah there’s a but call me crazy I’m feeling a sense of loss..because the “old me” nursed her three babies successfully and the very same whom could rock a baby to sleep on her bosoms with no problem. But there’s also the teasing and joking I’d receive for having everybody’s share an odd comfort zone still a feeling of familiarity you know?
And this may sound weird but now that I won’t be on the receiving end of the jokes, how will I fit in?
Right now all I feel physically is tightness and emotionally allot less of me ..right now all I know is this is new and new is sometimes uncertain.
On the flipside I’ve no more pain shooting down my shoulders or burning sensations that can only be relieved by removing the strap completely off, this is good.
Guess what I’m wondering is this: “ how will this change affect my attitude towards others, life and to that of my DHF..and what does He think of this new change?
8 comments:
You are still you and we won't let that change ! Dawn is not about her body parts.. Dawn is about her sweet and kind nature.. just because there is "less" of you doesn't mean you are "less" of the person you have always been.. love all of you... Mom
He loves YOU, not your earthly body...He wants You to be happy and healthy...you will be able to live without the jokes...and you will love it...believe me, from the IBTC... I had the jokes from the other side, but now I am so glad I wasn't "blessed" in that region because my tops look and fit so much better than my BFF who always has problems in that area. So glad you are doing well, keep it up! Praying for your recovery!
kris
This is so interesting. I think I would feel the same way, there is a gain...like you said, clothes fit, no pain. But there is a loss too...it was part of your identity. But you will still fit in because it's not really your body size that made you large, it was your heart, your laugh, your love for others and for God's Word. Those things are still there and we love them! Lisa~
He loves you and wants you to be free to move, dance & sing! Without pain. And He loves your heart and so do we. You are one of the most inspiring, fun loving bloggers on here. And such a mentor to a lot of us.
I'm blessed by your openness and honesty! Thanks for being real.
We've never met in person, so I can honestly say that the loss you feel (although natural and understandable) is only your emotions talkin... Cuz as I read what you write it is not only the same precious YOU shining through, you are actually GROWING and flourishing through this!
There's always an adjustment period after any change. Just ride it out.
it all started with a kiss
www.tamragirl.com
I think what you're feeling is to be expected. You expressed it well. BUT like others have said, the *real you* is still there. The woman of God. The daughter of The King. She just has to get used to her new outside.
((cyberhugs- since those don't hurt ;-)))
GfG
dawn on the medical side of this,a person who has an arm or a leg amputated, feels the loss, in many different ways, one is the phamtom limb, emotional loss, right now your body is adjusting to the new you, the old you is still there the same sweet person we all know and love....the intensity of the way the pain medication effects you is also playing an emotional factor on you, and yes people can be jaw dropping rude sometimes..keep your chin up,stand tall, chest out as grandma red use to say always cracked me up as i didn't have a chest,and love the new you and botton up blouses and remember GOD loves you and all of us too!!!!!
I'm sure He loves the change. You now will be virtually pain free (when it comes to this department, anyway), which leaves you more hours of the day to painlessly worship Him and exalt Him. God opened up these doors for you to have this done because He loves you very much and doesn't want you to be in pain. Your body is a temple, and when your temple causes you problems and interferes with your ability to care for your family properly or glorify Him in any way, He will provide a way to relieve those problems and that pain.
A friend of mine recently quit smoking, and she feels a loss too. It's different from yours, but it is a loss. A huge reason she gave up smoking was so she could live longer and live a life pleasing to God. She was convicted big time, and she knew it was hindering her in her walk with God, so she had to get rid of it. She feels a sense of loss right now, but once she gets out of the woods (she only quit 7 days ago, cold turkey), it will all be worth it.
And it'll be the same for you. Once this sense of loss passes, you will feel better and more energetic and you will be so excited that God knows the desires of your heart and He opened doors accordingly.
Ok, now I think I've talked myself in circles and I'm rambling, but there you go. We all love you and once a few weeks passes, you will be the same amazing Dawn, if not an even better person than before!
Hope my babbling made sense! :)
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