heart song..

For those of you whom don’t already know this..I’m 35% tone deaf.

Still I get by w/out the use of aids I have them (need batteries). However at a very young age I taught myself to read lips but if your a mumbler or you should have your back towards me while conversing..well then I’m clueless.

But this post isn’t about my hearing loss.

It’s about explaining a special relationship..through singing even out of tune.

This never stopped me from doing it..starting at a very young age it was how I would worship the Lord..

Picture this:

A little girl who looks allot like “Sissy” sitting in an old wooden porch swing attached to a low branch of an oak tree right next to a creek (our backyard) most every evening.. rocking back and forth most times belting out the victories in which courage was given or in sadness when the road was rough that day and HE held my hand. Mostly I sang in all moods.

There was even a neighbor whom years later shared with me how much she enjoyed it.

Even as I grew up I would continue to worship HIM in this way..sometimes in the late nights; on a walk and even up to the nights of nursing babies..it’s what kept me sane all those early morning hours.

And on rare occasions when I was impressed (read divine inspiration) to get up in front of my church family and they would endure it so that I could participate in giving worship.. a couple of times it actually sounded good (ahem..it was the angels fillin in)

The point of me “painting this picture” is so I can share this:

I stopped singing.

Couple of years ago it happened w/out any sudden notice..I just quit singing during those quite moments with Him and it happened so slowly that I didn’t feel I was missing anything.

Then one very early morning years later while lying awake restless..physically hurting..emotionally drained and spiritually crying out..I had the thought “I don’t even sing anymore Lord?!”

I continued to struggle through that day seemed like a 5k marathon in which you had to also jump hurdles.. that never ended.

Looking nowhere else but UP finally..I asked “Lord show me your faithfulness..”

and heard

“give me a song.”

At first it was rough..I was scrambling for words..and then I remembered “just talk to HIM..tell HIM what’s on your heart..how you feel and why you know HE is the answer.”

Now..

really..

there’s no reason to for me to end this.

Surly you can imagine how the story is still going...

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.